Putting this here as a reminder for myself

I've spoken about RSD before, but I don't think I've fully articulated it all that well, and this thread... holy balls... it's as near the bullseye as I'll ever get for describing the shit I go through.

I may be fundamentally broken, but it's at least some small comfort to know I'm not the only one that goes through this, that's trapped by it, that gets stuck in my own head because of it.

It's probably not going to help anyone better understand what I'm going through, nor have the patience to put up with me because of it, because yeah, from the outside looking in, it's probably really fucking annoying.  ...

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I'm tired

For a little over a week, I've been struggling with something and it's taken some time for me to figure out how to articulate it. Specifically, I want to be able to understand why I end up feeling like I do after certain interactions and how it haunts me for days, sometimes even weeks after.

Yes, yes, I know that rejection sensitive dysphoria is a thing, and I'm really pretty quite sure that I'm ADHD which predisposes me to it. That only plays a part of it. It's not the whole thing. So, I'm going to just kind of... brain dump I guess?  ...

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So twitter is imploding? Perhaps?

I am very tired.

I don't like Elon Musk. I don't like his politics or his attitude or his racism or his transphobia etc. etc. etc. I could go on.


And I will.

I don't like that he claims he's a self-made man when he grew up the son of a rich white couple one of whom owned half the interest of an emerald mine in Apartheid South Africa.

I don't like that he lies about what his cars can--or will soon be able to do.

I don't like that he called a guy trying to save some trapped kids in Thailand a pedophile because said guy poo-pooed his mini-submarine idea...  ...

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Boys Will Be Boys

Smokey, Sirius, and Brian finally managed to get some time to themselves. It just so happened that it had been so long since last they were able to indulge that they were all particularly eager to get straight to it. Even Smokey—usually more reserved in his desires—was finding it difficult to not get carried away. Hey, sometimes a switch has just gotta get their needs taken care of—even when they're in a bottom mood.

Yeah, this is a bit thirstier than we usually see Smokey, and more of a power bottom than he's normally portrayed.  ...

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Thoughts On Radical Empathy

Okay so, I stayed up way too late ruminating about something and I decided to just pour it all out of me in one big burst of semi-creative essay writing. Apologies if this kind of meanders about, I didn't have any plan or structure built for this, it just sort of gushed forth.

Radical Empathy is Fucking Dope

Who doesn't love a good kung-fu movie? Or maybe the odd Marvel movie? I know it's kind of mainstream right now to shit all over Marvel movies for being junk-food media and yeah, a lot of them are, but that's okay. Sometimes, it's okay to have a fun, silly, enjoyable movie that may or may not have much substance to it...  ...

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"Hippie Nude Deer"

Azerith—the druid buck—had been planning this for a while. A number of very close friends had been offered a very interesting albeit odd opportunity. Why Az wanted to share the experience in question with them during a private new year's party puzzled them, but they didn't really seem to mind. Maybe he just liked the pun.

This is a little gift story for a very good friend, the person who created Azerith. They deal with a lot of shit in the reg and I decided they needed a little something to help cheer them up.  ...

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"Apartment Hunting"

Tok was looking for a new place to live. He was interviewing potential roommates. He ended up encountering a gator who interviewed well, but how he finished off the interview would be the deciding factor.

This is just a silly little story concept that came about because I had played the latest version of that vore-themed flash-based "fighting game?" over on furaffinity. There's a crocodile or alligator baddy that is really well animated. Also, there's someone who I think contributes to the game that made their own version with a little kobold guy? Anyway, I put two and two together and was like "this is too good an idea, gotta do it".  ...

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I'm still here, still kicking, still trying to get my writing mojo back. It's difficult. I'm better than I have been over the last couple of years, but there's still a lot going on threatening to just rip me apart. At the very least, I'm trying to to be kinder to myself.

More to come soon (I hope).  ...

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The Thermian Experiment

Galaxy Quest is a fantastic movie--ignoring for the moment the problematic nature of at least one of the actors in it. It has such a fantastic premise, a character driven story that demonstrates growth on everyone's part (even if it's only a small amount), and has a resolution that feels so sincere and heartfelt. The thing--however--that I've been pondering a lot about lately is the notion of the race known as the Thermians. These are creatures that are highly advanced, able to make themselves appear human despite being sort of octopoidal (and honestly, that form is kinda cute? Not monstrous but...  ...

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The Brilliance of "Welcome to the Internet"

I have recently become obsessed with the song "Welcome to the Internet" by Bo Burnham from his Netflix special "Inside". It is a masterpiece of satire, commentary, and creativity.

Why have I become obsessed with it? Well, I should specify that I have become obsessed with it again.

I watched the special back when it came out and thought the whole thing was amazing, but this song in particular (and "How the World Works" which is similarly brilliant but that's another post) stuck out to me. I ended up playing it over and over on youtube trying to learn the lyrics so I could sing it myself.  ...

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Some random thoughts

Been having some thoughts about things lately

First up, I can't help but notice a trend with regards to my writing. Anything that demonstrates gender transformation tends to be male to female or something similar. More rarely do I show someone identifying as female gaining male genitals (though it does happen) and even then they do not stop identifying as at least mostly feminine. I don't think I have anything I've written demonstrating someone who identifies as female becoming a new form where they identify as at last mostly masculine.

I want to make it clear that I have no problem with this idea.  ...

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"Vore Day Celebration"

Shayna and Ivory had a curious little holiday they liked to celebrate, and they decided it might be fun to get Smokey to join in for the first time. Chances were good they would give him a terrible stomachache, but that was just part of the danger when one celebrated Vore Day.

There's a thing I wrote about in this story that… I'm not sure how to tag it. I think you'll be able to figure out what I'm talking about when you get there. If you know what to call this, lemme know. I'll remove this portion from the description and tag it.  ...

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Update - 11/1/2021

Previous job ended a good while back. I don't miss it, but the cash flow is definitely missed. I have--however--secured another job. I'm still in training (I've only been there for a week) and I was brought on as a contractor rather than direct hire... which... thanks for that... if I had wanted to go through a staffing agency, I would have... especially because the staffing agency I HAD been working through had been practically dead freaking silent since I started back up with them.

Go figure.

Anyway... you might have noticed that for a while, this site had been pretty blank.  ...

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Life Update

So, if you've been paying attention to the feed here on my blog, you'll no doubt notice I was on a pretty steep downward trend there for a while. Weeeeell... I ended up hitting rock bottom. I had me a full blown breakdown panic attack at work--there in the office--and handed in my notice.

That was more than a month ago. I've been unemployed for about a month. I'm looking for a job currently and I've got a bit of savings to live off of for a bit... but I'd like to get employed again pretty soon. But being away from that super stressful environment has been good.  ...

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I was right to be skeptical. Yesterday I struggled to find enough work to stay busy and just tried to run out the clock to leave at 5pm. Today... didn't get out until 7pm, because the guy that does my previous job got completely hosed. I'm still doing my previous job, just... not until I'm done doing my new job. Lovely.  ...

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Thoughts on dunking

Assholes are like opinions. Everyone's got one and it lets others know your full of shit...


Okay so that was funnier in my head but whatever, it's my blog, you can close the window if you don't like my dumb humor.

I was perusing twitter recently (in before someone says 'well there's your problem') and I saw someone talking about the Orville and how it's so much better than any actual Star Trek in the last 20 years. It reminded me that they--and several others I encounter online--have some pretty strong opinions of things like New Star Trek (Disco, Picard, etc).  ...

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General rambly update

It's been quite a while since my last post, I should post more frequently so people who visit here know that I'm still alive.

I'm just kidding! No one checks here to see if I'm alive!

Anyway, wanna know what's been going on with me? Well feel free to read on, just be aware it's very ranty and very venty and work-stuff and I will not be charitable. I recognize plenty of people have it way worse than me, and I don't want to minimize or trivialize what they're going through, but this is my experience and I have GOT to get it out, otherwise I will just fucking explode.  ...

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Long Haul Carriage

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18+ years old only please!

Daisy was a trucker, trying to make a living hauling cargo from one city to another. Times being what they were, a side hustle was always helpful, and she found one with quite a lot of potential for serious monitary gains. The app HtchHkr had spread pretty widely among others in her profession and she could see why. After all, when as large as the big cow lady, why not rent out your body as a boutique long-distance taxi service?  ...

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Party Wipe - patreon story idea

===Straight copy/paste from the Patreon post==

Recently, I asked some folks--just because I was curious--what D&D class they thought I'd be if I were defined as such. A few different folks threw out bard or cleric, but most decided that--'without a doubt' they said--I would be a wizard. Personally, I find the concept a bit too grand for someone as minor a player in his own life as me... but I don't really have much control over how people perceive me. People seem to think I'm pretty scholarly (which I'm most definitely not, I was a rather poor student, but I'm real good at parroting back things I hear if I like it) and that being one who crafts things with words is very wizard-like.  ...

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