I've been dealing with a lot of self-doubt and shit like that this year. The pandemic hasn't helped. Nor has our shit-lord of a president or his cronies and the extraordinary douchebags that support him.
I've questioned whether or not I belong anywhere, if my "skills" are really worthwhile, if maybe it would have been better if I hadn't been born. Just your typical crisis of identity and purpose. You know... Tuesday.
And then I came across something on Twitter that really made me stop and think.
Maybe... maybe that's what it's supposed to be like. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a stop on the road for the people I encounter in life. Some stay for longer. Some not so long. Some don't remember me once they leave (hell most don't), a few can be prompted to recall when my name comes up. I've been trying to stand out for a while, give people a reason to want me in their lives. Maybe I've been trying too hard. Chris Hadfield says you should always aim to be a zero. He says that in the process of trying to be a +1 (someone who has a positive impact on the situation), you can actually end up doing harm and end up being a -1. But if you aim to be a zero (someone who has a net neutral effect), you can end up being a +1 just because you weren't trying so hard that you ended up causing problems.
Maybe I've been trying to be a +1 all this time and that isn't what anyone wants out of me.
I just need to be a good stop on the road they're on, even if it's brief.
Something to think about.