Warning: this is not a happy post. It contains subjects that some might find triggering or upsetting. This is just a kind of stream of consciousness kind of ramble so there’s no real structure to it. Feel free to ignore.
Apparently, my sense of self-worth is really damn fragile. I
mean, I kind of already knew this. Five minutes around my dad and I’m doing my
impression of that emo kid on livejournal listening to Evanescence all the time
talking about how dark and awful the world is. But today it only took one brief
interaction to make me hate myself all over again. ...
I’ve been working my ass off at this new job. Normally, I get off around 5 pm so I can go home. However, there have been a few days where I end up staying late. Sometimes, it’s only a half hour, which isn’t bad. Sometimes it runs later, like until 6 pm. And on the rare occasion, I end up not being able to get away until 7 pm. That SUPER sucks. Especially since my commute, when traffic is cooperative, is at least half an hour. That can go as high as an hour or more if traffic really wants to get nasty. ...
For the last month, I’ve been working a new job that I started back on the 3rd of September. I’ve been trying to get used to the schedule but it’s tricky. I have to leave the house early enough to get to work on time in spite of the awful traffic, and then the traffic on the way back is twice as bad. And in order to get up early enough in the morning, I have to get to bed fairly early. This means I have only so much time to myself after work. It’s frustrating not having but a few hours that I can spend however I might, especially since I have to dedicate no small part of it to things that I have to take care of. ...
Hey folks! If you’re a patron over on my Patreon campaign, then you’ve already heard this but I probably should put it here too.
I’m taking a hiatus from writing for the month of September. I failed to get anything published on Amazon for August, and I’ll probably not be publishing anything in September either. Don’t worry, I’m okay. I’m doing pretty good in fact, because I finally got me a job!
I was starting to run into the burnout problem with my writing in August, partly because my parents keep invading with virtually no warning, and that’s only going to get worse as the house they’re building gets closer and closer to completion. ...
Several years back, I think it was around 2012 or so, long before the idea of Donald Trump becoming or even running for president ever entered the public consciousness, I had an idea for a story. It was about a public figure in the news, not so much a news anchor or a proper journalist. This was someone who was something of a pundit, though that word implies the notion of being an expert called upon to speak on a particular subject. The character was deeply inspired by people like Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Neil Cavuto, Tucker Carlson, and even the raving madness that is Alex Jones. ...
I’ve not been in the best of mindsets lately. Part of it
stems from the parents visiting. They don’t even have to do anything overtly
damaging. Mom isn’t so bad. She understands to a certain extent that A) I’m an
adult and B) she can’t force herself into my life if I don’t want it. Dad on
the other hand is completely oblivious to the emotional needs of the people
around him, to the point where he doesn’t get that a supposed joke he might
find funny is in fact rather insulting. Any extended period of time around him
is a serious risk to my self-esteem long term. ...
There’s a lot that I don’t know. I make no delusions about
that, to myself or anyone else. So it’s pretty frequent that I come up against
a task I don’t know how to complete or a project I don’t know how to tackle. I
might try to muddle my way through, search the internet for guides or
resources, but that only gets me so far.
Because I’m a fucking dolt.
I’ve lost count of the times where I attempted something and
found I didn’t know what to do. Nothing I did brought me anywhere near the
result I wanted. All my iterations and attempts were met with failure. ...
Over the last several months, I’ve been trying to get myself
to wake up at a more reasonable hour. There were days where I had ended up
staying up until three or four in the morning and then I’d be in bed until noon
or later. It seemed fun initially, but over time, I got sick of it. I got tired
of missing out on most of the day. I hate that I’m on a completely different
schedule to the rest of the world. So I started using my alarm clock again
(specifically an app on my phone). For a while, I would wake up with it, or I
would just ignore it, but then something changed. ...
My friend Riddle was streaming for the first time in a few days. He’d had technical difficulties and he managed to overcome them at long last. While we were all watching him draw, chatting with him, he linked the chat to a tumblr post that I felt like might be a very good thing to share, even if it’s only ten or so people reading this.
Seriously, this is an important bit of text that reading through can help in ways you might not realize until you actually have a look through it.
I have a hard time starting work. This doesn’t mean getting
up in the morning and going to a job. Hah, I don’t have one! Be jealous of my
lack of sustaining income ye wage slaves! (what I wouldn’t give to have a
steady occupation). What I mean is I’ll have a daily goal set for myself, let’s
say writing so many words. I know I can do it. I’ve proven that I can. I have a
mountain of content I’ve created that speaks to the fact that I am capable of
such a feat.
I’m not even talking about starting a project. ...
When you look at everything that goes on across the whole of the franchise, from TOS to Discovery, even including the novels and other non-cannon source material, you’d think that there would be far more cases of mental breakdown among Starfleet officers than you see.
There are episodes where officers mind-meld. Their bodies rapidly age or they’re turned into children again. They end up sharing a body with an alien consciousness. Sometimes there’s a need to temporarily play host to an alien symbiant like what goes on with the Trill. What if you encounter a probe that makes you live out an entire lifetime in an alien culture within the span of just under an hour? ...
There’s a comedian by the name of Craig Ferguson. He’s
Scottish, used to host the Late Late Show, and has done a fair bit of voice
work. In one of his standup specials, he talks about people converting to Catholicism.
He jokes about how these converted Catholics feel like they need to make up for
only turning to the faith later in life by being “extra catholic”.
It’s a terribly funny bit where he demonstrates a convert’s overzealous
enthusiasm at practicing the faith to the point of becoming obnoxious to
I kinda feel like that’s where I am.
It wasn’t until I was in my mid to late twenties that I
realized “Oh, hey, you know how you like girls? ...
I’ve been a big fan of Stephen Colbert for a long time. Not that long ago, he had the cast of Queer Eye on the Late Show and I enjoyed their collective interview. It was something I didn’t know I needed in my life. I had dismissed the show as ‘just more reality television’ because it wasn’t science fiction or animated or stand up comedy or a number of other things I’m interested in. And because I tend to stay as far away from reality television as I can. After the interview, I decided to give the show a chance.
Today started off like pretty much any other Saturday for me. Lazy morning, woke up later than probably I should have, grabbed the laptop and tooled around on there for a bit, checked twitter and a few websites to see what I had missed. I got up, pulled the sheets off the bed to throw them in the washer because I try to wash them every week. It’s a ritual I use to try and stave off acne since I have issues with breakouts if I’m not fastidious about it. Also, happiness is just getting out of a steamy shower in the dead of winter and climbing into bed with freshly laundered sheets. ...