I had watched this earlier in the day, and I guess it churned away in my head amidst all the other things swirling around, keeping me from being able to see much other than the things about myself I don't like. It's kind of comforting to know that this is a real thing... but it's also kind of a roundabout validation that maybe I repel the people in my life.

Anyway, here's Wonderwall...  ...

I've not been in the best of mindsets lately. Part of it stems from the parents visiting. They don't even have to do anything overtly damaging. Mom isn't so bad. She understands to a certain extent that A) I'm an adult and B) she can't force herself into my life if I don't want it. Dad on the other hand is completely oblivious to the emotional needs of the people around him, to the point where he doesn't get that a supposed joke he might find funny is in fact rather insulting. Any extended period of time around him is a serious risk to my self-esteem long term.  ...

Over the last several months, I've been trying to get myself to wake up at a more reasonable hour. There were days where I had ended up staying up until three or four in the morning and then I'd be in bed until noon or later. It seemed fun initially, but over time, I got sick of it. I got tired of missing out on most of the day. I hate that I'm on a completely different schedule to the rest of the world. So I started using my alarm clock again (specifically an app on my phone). For a while, I would wake up with it, or I would just ignore it, but then something changed.  ...

My friend Riddle was streaming for the first time in a few days. He'd had technical difficulties and he managed to overcome them at long last. While we were all watching him draw, chatting with him, he linked the chat to a tumblr post that I felt like might be a very good thing to share, even if it's only ten or so people reading this.

Seriously, this is an important bit of text that reading through can help in ways you might not realize until you actually have a look through it.

Also, go give Wil Wheaton some love.  ...

There's a comedian by the name of Craig Ferguson. He's Scottish, used to host the Late Late Show, and has done a fair bit of voice work. In one of his standup specials, he talks about people converting to Catholicism. He jokes about how these converted Catholics feel like they need to make up for only turning to the faith later in life by being "extra catholic". It's a terribly funny bit where he demonstrates a convert's overzealous enthusiasm at practicing the faith to the point of becoming obnoxious to life-long Catholics.

I kinda feel like that's where I am.

It wasn't until I was in my mid to late twenties that I realized "Oh, hey, you know how you like girls?  ...

This is just me prattling on about my own sorry self. If you have no interest in the self-deprecation of some rando on the internet, then by all means, give this a pass.

If you choose to continue, be forewarned, some of this might bring up some less than pleasant feelings. I believe the appropriate term is 'trigger warning' no?

Alright, last warning, from here on, you are treading into the unkind ramblings of my mind.

I hate it when I feel this way. I know my brain is just being a dick to me, but I can't help it. I don't know how to stop my brain from thinking these things.  ...

I've been a big fan of Stephen Colbert for a long time. Not that long ago, he had the cast of Queer Eye on the Late Show and I enjoyed their collective interview. It was something I didn't know I needed in my life. I had dismissed the show as 'just more reality television' because it wasn't science fiction or animated or stand up comedy or a number of other things I'm interested in. And because I tend to stay as far away from reality television as I can. After the interview, I decided to give the show a chance.

I've recently completed season one.  ...